The phenomena of Peer Support Group is very common in the west. I guess, even if you have a consistent sneezing problem, you may end up finding one such group that can facilitate you controlling it. You know what I mean? Convenient means of talking your fears/illness/mind out to a group of strangers and in those discussions, you find relief and peace of mind.

In Pakistan, this idea is almost non-existent. Even going to a psychiatrist is considered a taboo. People don’t want to talk about it openly as those who might not know you may label you ‘mentally sick’ or ‘psycho’ or anything which is perfect to put your morale down. Even your parents/people-you-are-dependent-on, are reluctant to even recognize such things as ‘illness’ at first place. Hence, taking you for any ‘mental help’ is actually an uphill task.

Even with these limitations, Pakistan is considered the happiest country among its neighbors as per 2018 UN’s Happiness Index Report. There are 195 countries in the world my friends and from being at 95th Number in 2016 , we have come down to the 75th position in 2018. This is a big achievement.

So how are we happy and how does we do it?

For sure, they don’t measure happiness with wealth. This is more personal and subjective. Although, I’m not an expert on this subject but the kind of questions they ask, probe for happiness at many levels. And I’m sure they feel that the people of Pakistan are somehow satisfied or contented with their lives. How does it happen?

Well, in my humble opinion, it is the outcome of a strong bond between relationships. The kind of relationships we weave with our family and outside. I haven’t had the experience of living in a western society, but the proxy I have made after watching gazillion of their videos and seasons, is that their relationship with the immediate family is cold (comparing to ours). I find this quite oxymoronic though. Because if you happen to go their mall or any other public place, they will smile at you and say ‘hello’ and be kind to you and may be compliment you (for your attire). And they have a great social circle (remember FRIENDS or BIG BANG?) but when it comes to how they behave within their families – their relationship will become very distant. I wonder why!

This is actually quite opposite in this part of the world. All of our family members know each other, even if they are not directly talking. We live with our parents, or they live with us until death do us part!

And then we talk. We get depressed – we hate things – there are people who get on to our nerves – but then for girls at least, there is this blissful character called “Mom” whose heart is comparable to that of an ocean. If your mother is not the interfering type and instead she is a great listener, then my friend, most of your work is done. You have a free psychiatrist at home.

In my life, I have met few women who were struggling with their lives and had no mother either coincidentally. I have heard this statement from almost all of them so many times that even I can’t recall the count. So whenever, a crying, motherless woman, would be sharing her problem with you, she would say “Had my mother been alive, she wouldn’t have let that happen to me…” Now, this is a very very strong claim. In fact, this is some kind of a blind faith in this relationship. No mother can ever fix our problem. But all she can do is to extend an ear and say few words of sympathy. And phew, we will already feel relieved. And perhaps, this is all we want!

Words have so much healing power that we ourselves cannot imagine that!

Coming back to our traditional support system, Not only this, at least one of your siblings would be a caring one – who would love to know what is happening in your life and give you good pieces of advice. In 2000 era, the telecom sector saw the craziest boom because they (companies) had somehow cracked that people here love to talk 😐

So this Peer Support System, which doesn’t exist here formally, is somehow managed through our family members and friends. I’m not saying that we don’t need such support groups. May be, we do! But in parallel to this, the kind of network we have within home is totally mind boggling.

Btw, we are still way down in the happiness index (75th number!) and there are so many developed countries ahead of us with the same “cold nature” problem and even then topping the chart. My only point of focus is this that despite having the absence of all such formal support groups, we are doing good and improving and we must value whatsoever is working for us!

So the point of writing all this is to encourage you to open up and talk. We know whom our soul feels a connection with. Don’t let anything bother you and talk it out. Value your relationship with your family and friends until they last. Trust me, this life is way too short than we can imagine.

Cheers !