Each one of us had our firsts of many things and that made us what we are today. Our day to day conduct is usually influenced by the circumstances we are in so all these ‘first’ experiences, when combined together, drive us into becoming somebody which we were never before. Here is the journey down the memory lane about my First on motherhood!

There was a Greek Philosopher, Heraclitus, who once said that “No man ever steps in the same river twice”. For the water is continuously flowing and whatever you touched/felt earlier is long gone! Isn’t this a beautiful thought?

Likewise, people change with time and experiences (sometimes without even knowing that) and you may not realize that it is actually their “first” of those things which have brought them here and that they are no more the younger version of themselves!

I became a mommy almost two and half years ago. It was my “first” of many experiences. Not that I was a sixteen year old novice back then, I actually didn’t know what to do with a child or what does it mean to have one?

I have an interesting memory to share. That’s when after a couple of months she was born, my husband was inspecting my little girl, and exclaimed in sheer surprise: “Have you seen this wax in our daughter’s ear?” and I went like “What? Where?” And then he showed it to me and asked “Who is going to clean this? Aren’t you supposed to clean her ear wax?” And i stared back at him with utter disbelief: “Who does this? Why would I be doing this?”..”Thats because all mommies do that!”…and it actually made me speechless. Really?

It wasn’t that I had not thought about taking her full responsibility but knowing that I’m going to raise a full human being is what struck me the hardest. You might not find this odd. But it actually gave me a big reality check 😐 Before that, I never thought a baby’s responsibility is beyond cleaning (bathing, diaper changing etc) or feeding. That was the moment of truth for me. I realized that my girl is what I’ll make of her. People around us, keep giving us free pieces of advice and sometimes they do help us with the little they can do but a child is all a woman gets – in its  full stardom.

I have had many firsts with her. A mother is born the day she realizes that she has conceived and from there onwards, its a roller coaster ride. Of anything else, she made me love and respect my mommy even more. Every time I do something new to her – a memory strikes me as to how my mother used to do exactly the same thing. I miss her more especially after embracing motherhood. Everytime I call out my little bunny, my mother’s voice keeps echoing in my ears saying exactly the same things decades ago!

My another first with my daughter is the ability to be tolerant and patient. That little one still doesn’t understand why am I reprimanding her over the silly things she does – so the moment my voice raises, she comes running and hugs me – this makes me speechless. In my entire lifetime, nobody has had the ability to change my anger and frustration into pure love in a second – I have no idea how she learnt this :/

Once, I was in a shop and she was, as usual, running around and I was running after her, instead of shopping. For a second, I lost sight of her. I started screaming her name but in no vain. Then I saw few people running downstairs outside the shop – I could see this from the glass walls. I thought somebody has taken her. That day, I saw my soul leaving my body. I think I forgot to breathe and my heart stopped beating. I later found her behind the cash counter. She had started playing with the computer and there was nobody at that moment to let me know where my kid was. That was another ‘first’ for me…perhaps the worst “first” of my life.

I get migraine when I don’t eat food on time. My eating habit is very very particular. Food has to be fresh and served on time. Now this little woman – well, she poops most of the time when I have taken the first bite of my meal, or she just would grab my plate and run away even if I have served her food in her plate. She has timed all her activities around my meal time. Weird it may sound but I never get migraine when she plugs off my meal meter! Can you believe this???

Nothing that I do for her is in my control – not now at least. May be when she will grow a bit old and mature, things would be any different but right now, its all God’s work!

I can only thank almighty for giving me the biggest gift of life – another life!

Till then, bye bye !